Victory Marred by self-mutilation

Woodsides opening victory at their new home ground was spoiled yesterday as several people watching the match gnawed their own feet off as a reaction to Baines' diabolically dull innings.

After a mediocre bowling effort, (only one wicket taken by Steve, but a suprisingly decent effort from Captain Marvel), Woodside went in to bat needing 84 runs. Steve Stead knocked a resilliant 25 before retiring to give himself the man of the match award.

Runs and wickets continued to climb until Baines came to the crease. Unfortunately, what happened next is sketchy as few remained awake to see the close of the match such was the turgidity of Baines' batting.

On a brighter note Mr Guiseppe Pamplemousse thanked Mr Baines for finally curing his insomnia.