Jaxy and Paxy get over boistrous after the end of season party 

Next years kit revealed!
Modelled here by the dashing Mr Kunz, he said earlier today "The new kit is not only comfortable and practical, but it also adds a certain dignity to our squad".
He went on "There is also a special cap for the wicket-keeper that has a one way visor over his face so he doesn't put off our bowlers with his strange gurning".
He later added "If I could only find something that could stop me bowling like a complete flid, then we'd be laughing".

Jim Stead Last Season
Jim said "My only excuse for my batting this season was that I always batted after Tom and thus could not see the ball properly for the sleep in my eyes".

Woodside Warriors

AGH MEN BRI RID BRI BUR RID MAG AVE

R.UNSWORTH 6 1 25* 41* 36.5
M.PAXFORD 25* 34* 30* 1 6 9 35
R.KUNZ 12 15 29* 23 23* 34
T.DZIEDZIC 27* 20 12 29.5
J.MORRISjnr 11 7* 20* 15* 0 26.5
R.GREENWOOD 14 23 4 3* 34* 26
P.JACKSON 35* 3 26 10 24.6
N.RAND 1 15* 25* 2 21.5
S.STEAD 12 25 0 20 26 20.75
G.BAINES 29* 9* 0 3 20.5
M.ROSS 16 4* 5* 18 14.3
J.KENNY 0 19 10 23 18 0 25 13.5
J.MORRISsnr 11 11
A.ROSS 9 9
G.STEAD 1* 6 13 5 8.3

Woodside Warriors

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID EITHER, I SPENT ALL MONDAY AFTERNOON WRITING IT OUT(TWICE), AND THEN LOST THEM BOTH. TECHNOLOGY IS NOT MY STRONGPOINT(UNLIKE MY BATTING/BOWLING). NO OFFENCE IS MEANT, NOT TOO MUCH ANYWAY.

Who the F**K is Rob Unsworth?

Top scoring batsmen and I've never met him.

Thanks for doing the averages Mr Baines.
I dont know what you did but i found them and republished them.
Even though they're not kind to me.
I have just been giving you all a chance this year.

Jim

Woodside Warriors Awards
PICK OF THE POPS(FLOPS) By JAMMY SIVILLE
Are you ready for a rollercoaster ride up and down the charts? if so, klunk klick on every trip, here we go - AS IT APPENS

In at no.15 is Jim Stead, down a huge 14 (not stone) places from last years no.1 with an average of a dreadful 8.3
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - play football on a wednesday and thursday.

At no.14 this year is Andrew Ross, a new entry, scoring a respectable 9 in his only innings. TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - kick your dads bad leg if you want to play more.

In at no.13 is another new entry for John Morris snr, scoring a paltry 11 runs inhis single innings.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - swap the steam train for a locomotive.

At no.12 is the dissapointing John Kenny, down from a high of no.11, with an average of 13.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - hire a priest to remove the gypsy curse from your bat.

At no.11 is Malcolm Ross, the silver fox, with an average of 14.3
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - improve! if you don't want to come last, cos nothing comes after the fox - not even the hounds(if the hunting ban becomes law)

NOW FOR THE TOP 10 - AS IT APPENS - JINGLE JINGLE, JEWELLRY JEWELLRY PUFF OF THE OLD CIGAR

At no.10 is the accident prone Gary Baines with a reasonable average of 20.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - don't go to Burnsall, The Great North Run, the Chicago marathon, or anywhere else i can get injured

In at no.9 is Stephen Stead, with a huge climb of 1 place from last years no.10, with an average of20.75
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - Backbone of the team? - don't be so modest/stupid

New in at no.8 is Nick Rand with an impressive average of 21.5 in his first season.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - don't let married life put you off your own stroke.

At no.7 is Peter Jackson down from a high of no.3 last year with an average of 24.6
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - try to score faster with some big shots.

A new entry at no.6 is Richard Greenwood with an impressive average of 26.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - find another club - your too good for us.

In at no.5 is Johnathon Morris jnr, with an average of 26.5, which is higher than his age.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - give your dad some lessons.

Now for no.4 - Tom Dziedzic up 8 places with an unbelieveable average of 29.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - learn to be more defensive - try not to be as freescoring as Boycott/Tavare
*This average may be incorrect as nobody stayed awake to see the end of an innings.

At no.3 is Captain Richard Kunz with a stunning display of batting earning an average of 34.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - be brave while batting, the ball won't hurt if it hits you on your pads.

A non mover at no.2 is Mathew Paxford with a glorious batting average of 35.
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - bring a wider selection of doughnuts

At no.1 and top of the charts is the highest new entry of Rob Unsworth with a stupendous average 36.5
TIP FOR NEXT YEAR - give lessons to the rest of the team.

COMMENDATIONS
Most runs scored- 105 - Matthew paxford
Highest single score- 41- Rob Unsworth
Funniest saying- Jaxy to Paxy- hard in my end
Best wicket keeper- N/A
Worst over- S.Stead 6 . 6 6 4 . (22)
Most Pathetic Shot - R.Kunz - (Flim-flam, tinning, drop the bat/crap yourself shot at Riddlesden)
Best Over - Noz - 4 wides then 2 wickets, nobody remembers what happened after that.

Best Team preformance - Beating Riddlesden first team or Beating High Royds with only 9 men and having 2 non cricketers in the team.

Best Individual Technical innovation - Jim Stead- Starting this website and dragging the club into the 21st century

Variety award for triumph against adversity - Tom, bravely battling through technical incompetence to actually get something on this website.

Tom 'the Masterful' yesterday 

Tom the Masterful?

Now that has got to be the worst nick-name/grossest inaccuracy ever.

I can think of better, Tom the Keeper by default, Tom the new Wragg, Tom Kunz?

Or Tom Mr Blobby hands, or Paralympian Dziedzic or Rex's Bitch?

Anyway , glad to see Bev's helped you out with the technicalities.

STEAD'S BULLSHIT TALK

It has been noted that the Stead's do most of their talking via the web site, their play on the pitch this season has been painful to watch at times. It is only because of the play of Jacksy, Paxy, and Tom the Masterful that this season has been the sucess that we all antisipated it to be. It is at this stage that I wish to mention some of the other members of the team, Nick Rand, Rob Unsworth, Gary Baines, Malcolm the old man, Steam Boat Annie Morris, John Junior, John Kenny, Gangas, the Ginger Winger, the Chuckle Brothers, and anybody else who has helped out.

It has been said that the fielding was much helped when one of the chuckles was away on holiday, he has the turning circle and speed of an oil tanker except not quite as fast, and once again was left to the Masterful Wicket Keeper to hold the team together.

The team won't be seeing much of either of the Chuckles next season as they will both have thumb prints on their foreheads, not that we will miss their bumbling attempts at batting, fielding, bowling or any other aspect of our game. For now the batsman who had Burnsall quaking in their boots at his big hitting singles, must go to teach his son's how to play the game in his footsteps to play the same exciting shots as their father, to keep Woodside going into the future.

Woodside Warriors 1.OCT.2004 Jim
what is an e-mail

tom