Woodside Warriors

This is the homepage for the Woodside Warriors Cricket Club based in Bingley, West Yorkshire, England. We have been playing 20 overs cricket now for over 30 years. The game we play is very similar to 20twenty cricket , the main difference being that in our version, all outfield players (other than the wicket keeper), have to bowl 2 overs each. Also, we don't play the LBW rule since our batsmen are crap and our umpires are usually senile.

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27.7.06

More Stupid Profiles Added

'The rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated' Excalibur speaks


The Woodies won their last home game in style last night thanks to a decent batting and bowling performance.

Fielding first, the Warriors managed to keep Riddlesden run rate under control while also taking several wickets. In fact more wickets would have been taken had one of the Riddlers players not given himself 3 lives after being caught by Tom and then runout before being bowled by Jim.

There was plenty of other incident, JK managed to bowl hardly any full tosses, Ste Stead provided a spectacular catch on the boundary (and then nearly walked over the boundary),, Nick also got his third cracking catch in 3 games to banish those 'wedding ring' jokes once and for all (well up until he next drops one). Then Gangas had a heated discussion with Captain Kunz about the price of fishcakes in Kazakhstan, (later it was discovered that RG was upset about Jim forgetting his scoreboard).

The Riddlers finished with a decent 133.

JK and Gangas opened the batting, well Gangas did (offsetting his bowling in fine style). Ste and John Morris (who gave Riddlesden a lesson in morality), had good innings, but Ste,JK and Gangas all complained that Excalibur had lost it, being as dead as Leeds United. When Jim and Paxy began their partnership however, Excalibur crushed their words like a butterfly on a wheel exposing them as the amateurs they are. Jim flashed the mighty lump of willow, scoring 22 in the last over alone (this suprised Paxy who had just been told 'I'll give you the strike' by Jim).

In the end they praised Jim and promised to hold feasts in his honour.

22.7.06

HALF-ASSED WEBSITE GETS SLIGHTLY BETTER


Technical guru Jim Stead has yet again improved the warriors website by adding PLAYER PROFILES on that link over there, on the right. 'Yes I know i've only done a few but give me chance', quipped Jim, knowingly. 'It might not even work', he added 'Or try clicking here'.

21.7.06

The E.C.B. recognizes Greatness


Today could be Woodside Warriors proudest day!

The mighty Warriors are now as official as they will EVER be! They are now OFFICIALLY LISTED as an OFFICIAL club by an OFFICIAL from the OFFICIAL E.C.B! (that's the England and Wales Cricket Board Tom).

ECB WEBSITE

Look there! Just between Woolaston CC and York CC!

Woodside Warriors and the E.C.B., partners in cricketing greatness!

An E.C.B. OFFICIAL said 'Very happy to add a link to the Warriors site!'.

A Woodside official said 'That puts us several steps up the ladder from the likes of Riddlesden and Lothersdale, the jokers'.

19.7.06

ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED


Lothersdale today called off their match with the warriors at the eleventh hour.

"They were just scared' said Jim Stead.

"Or hot', he added.

Anyway we can look at the 'Chief Bleater' poll instead, with the above informative, handy and obviously entirely accurate pie chart (which is not edible).

14.7.06

WHO BLEATS? YOU DECIDE....

Following 'A Captains Rant', an argument has grown up as to whose is Woodside's biggest gobshite bleater.

Is it 'I got 3 runs not 2' Kunz?

Is it 'It's not the keeping its the bowling' Dziedzic?

Is it 'Cant believe I was out with such a donkey shot' Ste Stead?

Is it 'I'm not nurdling' Baines?

Is it 'band of gold' Nick Rank?

Is it 'I'm not doing it on purpose' Kenny?

Or is it 'Molehole' Jim Stead?

To vote and see current leader, click HERE

Tom's Not Just a Pretty Face



Further to 'A Captains Rant', I must refute all claims that Tom's only contribution to the team is piss poor wicket-keeping.

He collects the kit together after the match, AND he collects the money to pay for the ground and kit etc.

This makes Tom Financial Director and Kit Man. With Tom's influence, the Warriors finances, (pictured above), have never been more exciting or small. In fact, with Tom's help the club is virtually bankrupt, because of some cock and bull about 'only playing home games at the moment'.

Luckily, Jim Stead has shrewdly helped boost the coffers by using adverts on the website. Google are ready to make a payment of 'several dollars'. This amount is thought to be worth over a fiver, and will pay for John Kenny's match fees for the next 32 years. Or Kunz's fees for the next 1.68 millenia

13.7.06

A Captains Rant


Woodside Warriors
CONSPIRACY UNCOVERED
On the subject of batting figures it has to be said Tom should now be banned from scoring. I do realize that this is his ONLY useful role in the team but I fear a sinister reason behind his normal tight fisted self. If I remember last year a certain Polish team member (not naming anyone in particular) was publicly humiliated for his batting performance. His retort was he was in for his wicket keeping !!!!!!!!!
After a brief visit to the crease last night, captain Kunz could only console himself with the fact that he at least managed to reach double figures. However after glancing at the scorebook he noticed that ex-vice captain Dziedzic had him down for a poultry 7 instead of a magnificent 11 (off 12 balls). His two superb boundaries rapturously applauded by both sides suddenly appeared as one. Let me run you through those majestic strokes; 1- a belting drive to mid on between two fine fielders (ok they were worse than Nick's dives but that's beside the point)2 - an audacious knock to square met by a victorious thud of the quality corrugated iron that marks the distant boundary.
So Sherlock where has these 4 runs disappeared to ?
Mr BAINES chief investigator please leave no children's witch like character unturned !
Ps I don't also want any derogatory comments made comparing me to a Ste Stead like mentality as I didn't awaken at 2 in the morning thinking about this - it was more like 3am.

Average batting positions

After a complaint about batting positions,
here are the facts

J.kenny........1.....1........1...---no.1
G.Baines.......3..8..2..9..7..8..6---no.6.14
R.Kunz.........5..5..5..5..5..5..5---no.5
N.Rank.........6..1..8..2.....3..8---no.4.66
S.Stead........7..2..6..8..4..10.2---no.5.57
R.Greenwood....8..3..10.1..2..7..4---no.5
J.Morris jnr...9..4..9..6..3.....9---no.6.66
J.Morris snr...10.6..4..7..5..9..7---no.6.85
T.Dziedzic....11..9.11..11.9..2.11---no.9.14
G.Stead...........7..3.10.10..4.10---no.7.33
B.Southgate................1.....1---no.1

j.kenny
b.southgate
n.rank
r.greenwood
r.kunz
s.stead
g.baines
j.morris jnr
j.morris snr
g.stead
t.dziedzic

Another Glorious Victory


The Warriors strolled to another victory last night against evil multi-national conglomerate Denso Marston(pictured left).

Denso batted well reaching a reasonable 120 after 20 overs on a very fast pitch. Highlights of our fielding included another spectacular catch from wedding-ring free Nick, although he didnt look very confident.

Ste Stead opened the batting for 5 seconds before wafting some flies away like a great fairy and knicking one to a fielder for 2 runs. Once nurdler and average obsessed ste had gone, Bryan and 'Judas'Mat Paxford (playing against his colleagues) got off to confident starts to put Woodside on solid ground both of them declaring.

After more half-assed crap nurdling by Kunz and Baines (under encouragement from Ste), who were both out for next to nothing, Woodside trundled to a win with 5 overs to spare with extra help from Gangas and his magical helmet.

Last nights match was the first game this season for stalwart 'Paxy' also known as 'the decent ginger one'.

Suprisingly, Tom and Kunz hardly cocked anything up last night. Although Tom left the gate open and cows nearly ate the wicket.

6.7.06

Jim's Knee Injury in Glorious Widescreen

More warm-up 'action'





Nick showing his 'finesse', John Morris blatantly not trying and Kenny looking like he's about to 'out' himself.


The mole holes that crippled Jim



The glorious new scoreboard in action under supervision from star bowler and chief nurdler Baines

Close Up On the Victorious Warriors



Kenny and Baines warm up. Kenny obviously cooled off later.

5.7.06

DID THEY JUMP? OR WERE THEY PUSHED?




Woodside gratefully accepted a bow wrapped victory from Menston last night in perhaps the most exciting victory in years, maybe ever.

The match had so much incident, we may need a team of infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters to log all the action.

It started off with a fine knock from JK who struggled through Tom's plodding innings to leave the field undefeated. Tom on the other hand slowly crafted reasonable enough knock ( too fast for nurdling, too slow for tonking), which actually had BOUNDARIES, YES BOUNDARIES. Maybe 3 or 4 of the ultra rare beauties! It was like spotting a flock of dodo's. Being chased by a unicorn on a griffon, with Lord Lucan doing a dance nearby. Like a fairy story.

The rest of the batting burbled along well enough to leave Menston with a reasonable enough 128 (from 18 overs), to chase.

They found this total easy to follow because of the wonderful JWSTEAD scoreboard.

Menston's batting rate soon began to climb despite a couple of decent overs from Ste Stead. The main problem was the dodgy fielding from the wall side of the ground, Eddie's longest over of all time and JK trying to bowl on a 170 yard pitch.

Before we knew it, Menston needed 8 runs from 5 overs with 4 wickets left. They thought it was all over, well it wasnt now.

The fight back began with Nick's overs, then Baines' cooly bowled overs featuring a spectacular ultra high catch from wedding ring free Nick which caused minor panic in their team. Another runout, a batter played on, then Jim fell down a mole hole with great dignity and poise.

Suddenly, they still needed only 8 but had only one wicket left... Up to the crease stepped legendary bowler Jim Stead (now mole free) who followed Baines' wicket maiden, with one of his own...

After 4 balls right in the block-hole, the batsmen knocked one to fielder Baines', one batsmen set off, one didn't, Baines through the ball to Jim ( didn't want to risk throwing it to Tom no doubt), who'calmly' turned, and destroyed the wickets.

From 8 runs from 5 overs with 4 wickets left, to 8 runs needed ALL OUT.