Farmers fencepost flattened

The Warriors notched up another fine win yesterday, beating Hartington by 3 wickets.

The farmers team team notched up a respectable 107 in 20 overs, with one batter using a fence post (above), as a bat (he even got a 6 off it).

Numerous decent bowling preformances were over shadowed by Mr Kunz (above), who yet again bowled no official wides.

After he had run Baines out, Paxy went on to make a fine innings of 25 ish N.O. .

Warriors victory was sealed with a dramatic innings from Kunz (above), who managed to knock an unbelievable (for him), 41 N.O., with the help of a partnership with Ste Stead (12 N.O.).

This innings silenced the jibbering Dziedzic who was flapping as the woodies needed 33 runs off the last 5 overs. Kunz's (above), decent knock was blamed on his anger that he was the only numpty gullible enough to pay £3 for parking.

Gangas scored the lowest with 0 runs, he should use the £8 bat next time.

Former Members' rich vein of "form" continues.

Mr Wragg, pauses for a rest on the way back to the pavilion.

One warrior commented "He was definitely the best free transfer we ever got rid of, the fat knacker...".

WELL DONE

Woodside Warriors

Its taken a week of soul searching, and plucking up the nerve and courage to say this, but i think we should say 'well bowled' to Mr Kunz and 'well kept' to Mr Dziedzic. I didn't think we could ever say 'well done' to either. Its like saying 'fish and french fries' or 'kenny and runs'. It just isn't right, infact its 'just not cricket'.
Although i don't want to take any gloss off Mr Kunz's bowling( no wides and a couple of wickets), he was bowling against kids younger than his own, and was helped by the new law of not calling wides. If Mr Wragg was batting, it would have taken a very,very wide ball to have gone past his belly or arse, although i'm sure Mr Kunz has managed to bowl that wide before.
As for the overseas Polish wicket keeper, the only reason for not giving any byes away, was that he had bribed the batsmen into not running, so that he would look good infront of his family.
The highlight of the evening/season/millenium was watching Mr Wraggs middle stump cartwheeling down the ground towards the bypass for a paltry/rubbish/useless/crap one run. OH HOW WE LAUGHED

We should say a big thank you for the sumptuous feast they laid on for us after the game, I hope paxy was sick aftrewards for pinching all the beef, and leaving all the scraps for the rest of us.

Tom's bowling action yesterday

Tom's technique uncovered. Note the gormless expression that belied his steely determination. And his favoured uniform.

BARGAIN BAT LICKS LOTHERSDALE

Jim Stead dramatically found 3 lost balls yesterday during another Warriors victory. This completely eclipsed his batting performance in which no-one can remember how many he scored.

Woodside won a marathon match in which over 300 runs were scored in the 20 over match.
Largely thanks to a mammoth innings of 51 by Gangas with a new bargain basement £8 bat, Woodside eventually scored 158 after a slow start. There were also quality innings by Baines, Ste Stead and Steve Dovenor.

There was some dog poo innings from Jim, Tom and the still cursed John Kenny who scored a mighty 1 run between them. Tom gets praise though, for bravely sacrificing his wicket (in a well rehearsed runout maneuver), for someone who could actually get some runs.

Lothersdale batted consistently, and scored runs frequently but were always struggling to stay in touch with the large Warriors score. Some quality bowling from Jim and Baines limited the lothers' runs even while Tom was trying to give away runs with more comedy keeping.

With 6 overs left and Lothersdale needing 56 runs, the warriors were feeling confident, until they realised Tom and comedy Kunz were still to bowl 2 overs a piece.

Kunz started well but the pressure of 3 decent balls eventually made him crack and then proceeded to bowl his usual bollocks for the rest of his over. Like last week , his second over wasn't that bad.

Tom, on the other hand is only a wicket keeper because he bowls like epileptic in an earthquake with roller-boots on. Since we were a man down, he had to bowl, and was promptly tonked around the ground by amateurish tale-end batsmen smiling at the welcome boost to their averages courtesy of the gayest dolly-drops seen this side of the Wizard of Oz.

The Warriors looked like losing for a short while but Baines steadied the ship at the other end. Tom, inspired by Mr Baines, and the ring of steel that was the fielders, holding hands on the boudary, managed to scrape through another crappy over with the last remaining shreds of his dignity still in tact. WELL DONE TOM!

Woodside eventually won with a reasonable 11 run margin.

N.A.S.A.

It has been reported that NASA are tracking an unidentified object that was picked up on their radar, originating from the Crossflatts area of Bingley, and is now heading deep in to space at an incredible rate of speed. It appeared on the radar at approximately 8.40pm on thursday evening. The boffins at NASA headquarters in Eldwick say the object is small and red, and has the molecular structure of a cricket ball.
If anybody has any information on this special event, can they please contact the head boffin 'mr r kunz' on 4 4 4 4 6 0. This is a special number that only 'mr r kunz' has been able to translate from 6 balls.

Mr Kunz believes the object (pictured above), to be completely alien to him, as well as the process known as 'bowling' which is often linked to the item, (though never in Mr Kunz's case).