Woodside Warriors

test

IMPORTANT NOTICE

YOU ARE AT THE WRONG WEBSITE!

We have developed a new website with extra whistles and bells on it and at great personal expense, Jim Stead has registered the domain name:

www.woodsidewarriors.co.uk

The woodies now have a proper website name so we can expect them to play proper cricket, properly. Unless we are talking about Captain's bowling which is slowly reverting to the 'Chuckle Brothers' to-me to-you method.

Stick this in your address book, we'll keep it for ever, at great personal expense to Jim (OK it cost £7 for 2 years).

Thats:
www.woodsidewarriors.co.uk

One More Time:
www.woodsidewarriors.co.uk

Boffins In R + D Develop Prototype Website

Research boffins lead by professor Jim Stead have developed a new Warriors website at :

www.freewebs.com/jumbotakeaway

Jim said, 'This new site increases bitching, bleating and general mirth capabilities by nearly 400%, and each team member could have their own page if they can overcome their own technical ignorance'. He didn't point at Tom or Kunz when he said this.

The site is still in development and should be fully operational in a few weeks, definately ready for next season unlike the new wembley stadium.

In fact i might run it in conjunction with this one until the end of the season, a bit of copy and paste never hurt anyone.

A Win For Steamboat

The Warriors played Hartlington last night with black arm bands and a minutes silence for team-mate John Morris who sadly died last week.

Strangely, the Woodies decided to bat and even more strangely, decided to put King Nurdlers Tom and Baines (pictured), in. Although both had a decent knock, both obviously thought they were playing a 5 day test. In fact Tom's figures (33 n.o.), would have been appallingly slow (off 9 overs) had he not nicked 3 lucky fours off the last over with his funny spinning batting style. So he just got away with it then.

Following this 'steady' opening, the Warriors failed to capitalize having Tim, Gary and Kunz out for about tuppence ha'penny each.

Highlight of the batting was Jim 'what's the Opposite Of Nurdler' Stead, whose 7 ball, blink of an eye innings yielded 3 sixes and 19 runs in total. Tom and Baines should take note, proper batsmen probably shouldn't.

The innings was wrapped by another decent 20ish from Bryan well backed up from ringer Rick, the Woodies finished on 121 off 18 overs.

The Woodies bowling was consistent(ish) with nearly everyone getting a wicket (Jim, Ste, Baines, Tim, Rick and Bryan got 2), Rick's being decent considering he hasn't bowled since 2003. The only let downs were Captain's (pictured above), shoddy as hell, back to usual, more wides than a buffet in Vegas and Gary's mildly wayward 'mixed bag'.

In the end, the Warriors won by 10 despite Paxy's fielding and Ste's drops.

JOHN'S FUNERAL

John Morris' funeral is at 11am on Tuesday the 8th at Bingley Parish Church, and then the wake is at the Bankfield Hotel.

Johnny has said to Richard that all Warriors are welcome to attend and he would be glad to see us there.

Jim

JOHN MORRIS 1949-2006

It is with great sadness that we have to announce the sudden death of John Morris last friday .
John was not only a great friend to many of us but also played the game with great skill and dignity.

The last memory I have of him was during the last game on Wednesday when, after an opposition player refused to walk on a number of occassions John gave himself out even when the opposing umpire refused to raise the finger. This speaks volumes for him.

I personally never saw John fall out with anyone. He always was quick to compliment others but rarely himself. I never heard him ask to bat or bowl in a particular order.
Never did I hear him put anybody down even when they might have deserved it.

John was the epitome of a good sportsman.

He was somebody I longed to emulate not only as a player but as a father. I often considered if I could still play like him in another 20 years, but when I said this to my own son he replied 'you'll be too old dad!'

What I admired about John the most was that, despite being extremely competitive on the football or cricket pitch, he never took any malice into the field of play.
A true gentleman who we will all miss .God bless you John, you will be forever in our thoughts.
Richard Kunz

Hard to believe you've gone, a true gent of the game, I'll miss you buddy.
Jim Stead

More Stupid Profiles Added

A stupid profile yesterday.

'The rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated' Excalibur speaks

The Woodies won their last home game in style last night thanks to a decent batting and bowling performance.

Fielding first, the Warriors managed to keep Riddlesden run rate under control while also taking several wickets. In fact more wickets would have been taken had one of the Riddlers players not given himself 3 lives after being caught by Tom and then runout before being bowled by Jim.

There was plenty of other incident, JK managed to bowl hardly any full tosses, Ste Stead provided a spectacular catch on the boundary (and then nearly walked over the boundary),, Nick also got his third cracking catch in 3 games to banish those 'wedding ring' jokes once and for all (well up until he next drops one). Then Gangas had a heated discussion with Captain Kunz about the price of fishcakes in Kazakhstan, (later it was discovered that RG was upset about Jim forgetting his scoreboard).

The Riddlers finished with a decent 133.

JK and Gangas opened the batting, well Gangas did (offsetting his bowling in fine style). Ste and John Morris (who gave Riddlesden a lesson in morality), had good innings, but Ste,JK and Gangas all complained that Excalibur had lost it, being as dead as Leeds United. When Jim and Paxy began their partnership however, Excalibur crushed their words like a butterfly on a wheel exposing them as the amateurs they are. Jim flashed the mighty lump of willow, scoring 22 in the last over alone (this suprised Paxy who had just been told 'I'll give you the strike' by Jim).

In the end they praised Jim and promised to hold feasts in his honour.

HALF-ASSED WEBSITE GETS SLIGHTLY BETTER

Technical guru Jim Stead has yet again improved the warriors website by adding PLAYER PROFILES on that link over there, on the right. 'Yes I know i've only done a few but give me chance', quipped Jim, knowingly. 'It might not even work', he added 'Or try clicking here'.

The E.C.B. recognizes Greatness

Today could be Woodside Warriors proudest day!

The mighty Warriors are now as official as they will EVER be! They are now OFFICIALLY LISTED as an OFFICIAL club by an OFFICIAL from the OFFICIAL E.C.B! (that's the England and Wales Cricket Board Tom).

ECB WEBSITE

Look there! Just between Woolaston CC and York CC!

Woodside Warriors and the E.C.B., partners in cricketing greatness!

An E.C.B. OFFICIAL said 'Very happy to add a link to the Warriors site!'.

A Woodside official said 'That puts us several steps up the ladder from the likes of Riddlesden and Lothersdale, the jokers'.

ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED

Lothersdale today called off their match with the warriors at the eleventh hour.

"They were just scared' said Jim Stead.

"Or hot', he added.

Anyway we can look at the 'Chief Bleater' poll instead, with the above informative, handy and obviously entirely accurate pie chart (which is not edible).

WHO BLEATS? YOU DECIDE....

Following 'A Captains Rant', an argument has grown up as to whose is Woodside's biggest gobshite bleater.

Is it 'I got 3 runs not 2' Kunz?

Is it 'It's not the keeping its the bowling' Dziedzic?

Is it 'Cant believe I was out with such a donkey shot' Ste Stead?

Is it 'I'm not nurdling' Baines?

Is it 'band of gold' Nick Rank?

Is it 'I'm not doing it on purpose' Kenny?

Or is it 'Molehole' Jim Stead?

To vote and see current leader, click HERE

Tom's Not Just a Pretty Face

Further to 'A Captains Rant', I must refute all claims that Tom's only contribution to the team is piss poor wicket-keeping.

He collects the kit together after the match, AND he collects the money to pay for the ground and kit etc.

This makes Tom Financial Director and Kit Man. With Tom's influence, the Warriors finances, (pictured above), have never been more exciting or small. In fact, with Tom's help the club is virtually bankrupt, because of some cock and bull about 'only playing home games at the moment'.

Luckily, Jim Stead has shrewdly helped boost the coffers by using adverts on the website. Google are ready to make a payment of 'several dollars'. This amount is thought to be worth over a fiver, and will pay for John Kenny's match fees for the next 32 years. Or Kunz's fees for the next 1.68 millenia

A Captains Rant

Woodside Warriors
CONSPIRACY UNCOVERED
On the subject of batting figures it has to be said Tom should now be banned from scoring. I do realize that this is his ONLY useful role in the team but I fear a sinister reason behind his normal tight fisted self. If I remember last year a certain Polish team member (not naming anyone in particular) was publicly humiliated for his batting performance. His retort was he was in for his wicket keeping !!!!!!!!!
After a brief visit to the crease last night, captain Kunz could only console himself with the fact that he at least managed to reach double figures. However after glancing at the scorebook he noticed that ex-vice captain Dziedzic had him down for a poultry 7 instead of a magnificent 11 (off 12 balls). His two superb boundaries rapturously applauded by both sides suddenly appeared as one. Let me run you through those majestic strokes; 1- a belting drive to mid on between two fine fielders (ok they were worse than Nick's dives but that's beside the point)2 - an audacious knock to square met by a victorious thud of the quality corrugated iron that marks the distant boundary.
So Sherlock where has these 4 runs disappeared to ?
Mr BAINES chief investigator please leave no children's witch like character unturned !
Ps I don't also want any derogatory comments made comparing me to a Ste Stead like mentality as I didn't awaken at 2 in the morning thinking about this - it was more like 3am.

Average batting positions

After a complaint about batting positions,
here are the facts

J.kenny........1.....1........1...---no.1
G.Baines.......3..8..2..9..7..8..6---no.6.14
R.Kunz.........5..5..5..5..5..5..5---no.5
N.Rank.........6..1..8..2.....3..8---no.4.66
S.Stead........7..2..6..8..4..10.2---no.5.57
R.Greenwood....8..3..10.1..2..7..4---no.5
J.Morris jnr...9..4..9..6..3.....9---no.6.66
J.Morris snr...10.6..4..7..5..9..7---no.6.85
T.Dziedzic....11..9.11..11.9..2.11---no.9.14
G.Stead...........7..3.10.10..4.10---no.7.33
B.Southgate................1.....1---no.1

j.kenny
b.southgate
n.rank
r.greenwood
r.kunz
s.stead
g.baines
j.morris jnr
j.morris snr
g.stead
t.dziedzic

Another Glorious Victory

The Warriors strolled to another victory last night against evil multi-national conglomerate Denso Marston(pictured left).

Denso batted well reaching a reasonable 120 after 20 overs on a very fast pitch. Highlights of our fielding included another spectacular catch from wedding-ring free Nick, although he didnt look very confident.

Ste Stead opened the batting for 5 seconds before wafting some flies away like a great fairy and knicking one to a fielder for 2 runs. Once nurdler and average obsessed ste had gone, Bryan and 'Judas'Mat Paxford (playing against his colleagues) got off to confident starts to put Woodside on solid ground both of them declaring.

After more half-assed crap nurdling by Kunz and Baines (under encouragement from Ste), who were both out for next to nothing, Woodside trundled to a win with 5 overs to spare with extra help from Gangas and his magical helmet.

Last nights match was the first game this season for stalwart 'Paxy' also known as 'the decent ginger one'.

Suprisingly, Tom and Kunz hardly cocked anything up last night. Although Tom left the gate open and cows nearly ate the wicket.